RAW: Allure in Seattle, WA by Richelle Swinkels

Raw: Allure

by Richelle Swinkels

     Raw was a week ago today! It was at Nuemos in Seattle, WA. Leading up to the first big event I was featured in was stressful! Making sure that I had everyone, worrying whether or not it will work, what will it be like, what will people think of my work, and all the other crazy thoughts that run thru your mind while experiencing anxiety. However, as nervous as I was, I was also filled with excitement as I looked forward to the event.

     Nuemos was a cute bar located on Pike Street in downtown Seattle. There were fashion designers, make up artists, painters, photographers, musicians and so much more featured at this event. It was such an honor to have my work displayed next to other amazing artists! It was even better to be accompanied by two of my biggest supporters, my mother and amazing boyfriend! I could not have asked for better help to get everything together and make it a successful event.

     "Disturbingly amazing", "intense", "creepy yet cool", and "extremely deep" were just some of the descriptions that heard about my art, which I loved! At first it was extremely odd and nerve wrecking to see people staring at my images, over time I finally got the guts to begin asking viewers questions about their opinions, thoughts. When I did finally talk to people, I LOVED IT! Hearing such positive reviews from people, hearing such support, especially from the other artists, was incredibly encouraging! Many people would walk by and glance, just as they did with other art, but then it was followed by a double take and the majority would then turn and give their full attention. Most stood there quietly as I was told by several "there was a lot to take in", which felt good. It makes the hard work worth it when people realize how much there is to each image, and how much of a story and hard work I have put into it. When they'd ask me about my art, and hear how personal each image was, they all loved it. 

     I got a ton of compliments, encouragement and suggestions on where to go next. I even got a few people wanting to work with me, that is until they realized I don't live in Seattle. Besides the exposure and support, the next thing I really enjoyed about the event was connecting with other artists. I really look forward to networking with other people who can inspire me, and give me advice.  I can't wait until my next show now! Seattle, check. Next stop, hopefully Portland! Cross your fingers and wish me luck! 

Graduation & Beyond by Richelle Swinkels

Graduation & Beyond

by Richelle Swinkels

     After realizing I haven't blogged in two months I realized so much has happened in those two months! Since my last blog I GRADUATED!!! Yes I graduated Spokane Falls Community College with my degree in photography. It's been a long bumpy road since I started this program fresh out of high school at 18 years old. Heart aches, death, drug addictions, prison time, unhealthy relationships, mental struggles and recovery, and I finally overcame it all and finally finished the program. I've come to learn so much about myself, and my goals in life and am slowly making them happen one step at a time. I've realized I want to help others with their identity and mental struggles, I want to help teens avoid the path I have taken. Through the use of art and photography I want to express what I've gone through and help others find themselves as well. However, that is a goal that you

can't do in a day. To begin getting exposure and work towards this I finally submitted my work to an event and will be featured in a gallery event called RAW: Allure in Seattle, Wa in 2 days! That makes me feel so amazing and so great, I can't wait to see what opportunity and feedback I get from this. Nothing comes easy though, so of course I have a ton of anxiety and my nerves are through the roof! I'm also awaiting hearing back of submissions to other gallery events I have submitted too. *Fingers Crossed* 

     On top of just working on my passion of conceptual art I got hired at a Portrait Studio and am actually making a living now doing photography. I work for Boutique Portrait Studio specializing in baby photography, and I can't lie I LOVE IT! I forgot how much I adore making mothers cry and emotional after creating beautiful images of their children. Still getting my art in people's homes and making heart-warming art. As much as I would love for it to be my own business, you have to start somewhere. I'm blessed with an amazing boss who is teaching me so much, and learning from someone who is already successful and helping their business grow is a great opportunity. This position is really showing me what it takes to run a business, and helping me gain experience in a professional setting and providing me with a wonderful mentor the entire way. 

     Things are going in such a positive direction, leaving me eager to see what the future holds! I'll be blogging throughout my experience at RAW! Wish me luck!

Puppet Strings by Richelle Swinkels

Puppet Strings

by Richelle Swinkels

I found this poem that I felt was perfect with the image and what I was trying to express.

~ Puppet Strings ~
By Nicole Pirri
Just let me go
From this world please.
I beg you to cut from me
These painful puppet strings.

I'm unable to do
My heart's desire.
Living in isolation
By my string supplier.

Up, then down, then left and right;
Harmful commands are made.
I try to move and jump
But every time pushed to be laid.

Your scissors are too blunt
No freedom for me today.
Remember that life attached to puppet strings
Is not as easy as they say.
Sometimes I feel like we are our own puppet masters when we become a puppet to our emotions. There is no hand on the marionette, there are no outside forces, the strings are attached to nothing. Instead it's all in our own minds.

Grad Gallery by Richelle Swinkels

The Grad Gallery
by Richelle Swinkels

This is my second experience hanging my work publicly, however, this is much different than the last. Last time I had one image featured amongst my fellow student's other photographs. Although this time I'm still among my fellow graduating students, I had a wall of my own featuring 7 of what I feel are my strongest images. 

There is no feeling that compares to seeing others observe your work! The first time, when I was simply just setting up my exhibit people passing by would stop and look, not even realizing I was present. Seeing them point, and hearing them mention how "cool" something was had a completely different feeling. I felt so proud and accomplished knowing that my work was interesting enough to get people to stop and look!

The night of the actual event it went from one or two people stopping by to enjoy my work to multiples! I tried to stop and talk to many of the viewers, ask them which pieces were their favorite and what they thought. To my surprise so many people were interested and appreciated the thought and concepts behind them. Some viewers read way more into them than others, which I loved, and others just liked them for their surface visual qualities. Having on-goers call my work "dope", "neat", "different" and "intriguing" makes me feel like I am one step closer  to accomplishing my goal and knowing that I am on the right track. There was one woman in particular who pulled me aside and told me how much my work hit home with her. Having someone love my work enough to seek me out in a crowd and express it to me, meant so much to me! I want my work to move people, to inspire people, to touch their souls. 

Even after the show my positivity ran strong. Have numerous people recognize models in my work and get a hold of them to mention not only seeing but admiring my work kept the joy of the gallery going. Having more and more people seeing my art, outside of just the few friends I have on Facebook or the students in class, was a new feeling, but I liked it! 

Of course with work like mine I saw some confused and disgusted faces, even heard it called "disturbing", but it didn't burst my bubble. My work isn't for everyone, and I know that. The positive responses I got was all I needed, to know that some people did appreciate and understand what I was trying to say is motivation to keep going and work to accomplish my goals with my photography. All in all the Grad Gallery was an amazing experience! I can't wait to get my work featured somewhere again.

For those interested my work will still be featured in the Kress Gallery located at 808 W. Main, in the River Park Square Mall on the 3rd Floor behind the food court, for the entire month of June. Feel free to check it out! To check out more images from my galleries check me out on my new Facebook page Darkness of the Mind Photography.

Little Black Rain Cloud by Richelle Swinkels

Little Black 
 Rain Cloud
  by Richelle Swinkels

            Life is filled with ups and downs, but there are times when it feels like there is nothing but downs and there are no ups visible in your future. One after another things happen and it just feels like  you have a little black rain cloud following you around and you can’t escape it no matter where you go…..

            These are the moments when we lose sight of any positivity and may feel the urge to give up and surrender to our struggles. I’ve had this black rain cloud following me around for a few months, between deaths, personal issues, health issues, stress, anxiety I just feel like I can’t find my sunshine. There’s been so much darkness but no matter what you have to keep fighting or it will all be for nothing. I had to find my own personal “umbrella” to shield me from the rain while I push through. I heard a saying once and it lingers with me in times like this.

       “You have to get through the rain in order to see the rainbow”

            This image was really important for me to do because this feeling has overwhelmed me. I was so busy focusing on representing the black cloud, the rain, the sadness that I didn’t even notice I subconsciously added the light in the image. Looking back at this image now I see that my subject is looking into the light, and it’s only a matter of time before the storm passes. Seeing this has helped me to keep pushing until I can see the rainbow. To look inside myself for the strength to keep going and never give up.

50 Hour Slam by Richelle Swinkels

     


        50 Hour Slam

      This past weekend one of my photographs was featured in an exhibit with other student photographers at the Bing Crosby Theater in Spokane, called 50 Hour Slam. This was the first time my photography has been professionally displayed anywhere, and it was such a neat feeling to be able to see that. It featured a QR code that linked to an interview with me, which allowed viewers to know a little bit more about me as an artist. This experience has really encouraged me to submit my work, and try to get it presented and shown. I've had many opportunities and yet have never jumped on them. I'm only recently starting to be confident in my work, and it's left me with a lot of regrets from not taking advantage of previous chances. 

     With my new found confidence I'm going to make sure I keep up with my blog more often, and submit my work to everything I can possibly submit it too. I no longer worry about whether or not my work "fits" in with other people's work. Throughout showing my portfolio to professional photographers around Spokane, I've gotten a lot of praise and support for my work. The thought, emotion and creativity behind it. It's all so motivating to keep working and not give up and not to let it go to waste. 

     I plan on doing an entire blog to showcase my work from this shoot but I couldn't have done it without a few wickedly awesome guys from the group Firing Squad! Their visuals and lyrics are very inspiring to me, and adding my brain to their "brainsick" minds can only create some seriously disturbing imagery! 

Insecurities by Richelle Swinkels

Insecurities

by Richelle Swinkels

     When it comes to my recent photography I pour my heart and soul into an image, and expose a part of me I usually don't share with people. Even though I'm not the subject in the image, my auto-biographical imagery leaves me emotionally open and vulnerable to those who view it. With that said, sometimes I become too insecure to share certain images with others. Fears of them not understanding, fears of judgement become an internal filter of my photography.

     I created an image I had been visualizing of a subject fighting with himself, during that shoot I wanted to do another internal conflict photo in which the subject is silencing himself and hiding his own emotions. This image stood out to me, it was me, yet I was too insecure to share this image. Needing to fill my portfolio/book with imagery that fit my theme and my message I allowed my hidden image to fill a page.

     To my surprise the image I was terrified to show, had given me anxiety and I wasn't sure if I should use was one of my images that stood out the most during our portfolio review. Numerous people actually understood my image, or had their own interpretations that still made sense and applied to my message. 

     Like my emotions, I felt the need to hide my photography. The experience of showing complete strangers, photography industry professionals at that, my work was a nerve-wrecking experience. I felt like I was opening up a part of my soul to someone I didn't know, when I can hardly even do that with some of the closest people in my life. To my surprise I received positive reviews, a lot of support, and encouragement to keep going. Hearing that people understood and accepted my photography, and even more so liked my work, gave me the feeling that maybe I don't have to be insecure. Maybe I don't have to fear that others won't understand. Now more than ever I want to keep shooting, I want to get my message across, keep blogging and start sharing my imagery more. 

     Now that portfolio reviews are over, and I have a new sense of confidence in myself I look forward to exposing more and more people to my imagery. Time to get out and keep pushing thru. 

Seeing Red by Richelle Swinkels

Seeing Red 

by Richelle Swinkels

There's a point when tears begin to burn and sadness and pain begin to hurt so bad that it ends up turning into complete rage!

That's what this photo session represented to me. Like most photography it is open for interpretation  so others will 

see a possessed or crazy subject

but I think that goes hand in hand with the emotion that I'm trying to convey.

When you experience rage that comes from deep pain and internal sadness, not everyone understands and will just look at your rage as crazy or possessed. The outside world can't always understand the emotions inside that control our actions. 

I have a tendency to allow my emotions and my pain to control my life, I allow these feelings to evolve into rage inside of me. Other people can't feel my pain, so they can't comprehend unless they've experienced this themselves. This is something I'm learning to work on, but nothing changes overnight. 

Seeing Red (behind the scenes) by Richelle Swinkels

Seeing Red
Behind The Scenes

by Richelle Swinkels

To me the preparation for a photo shoot is a process with a full range of emotions. For me it starts with a dream or a vision, from there I research images and look for inspiration on the technical aspect. What style of lighting will fit what I'm trying to accomplish, who will be my subject, and what I exactly what I want it to look like. It's as if a coloring page develops in my head, first the outlines appear and I slowly work on deciding how I want to color it in. 

For me personally, some ideas that I come up with are much more obvious about their meaning and what I'm trying to convey. On the other hand, other images are left a little more open for interpretation on an individual basis. 

I had this visualization and then saw some portraiture done by the model I used in this image (Jessica Mumm), which inspired my lighting technique. I used two strip boxes at a 45 degree angle towards the model, to create the two highlights in the eye and a background light to fill in the and make the background white. I shot with my Cannon T3i and a fixed 50mm lens at f3.5 1/200. I used very little photoshop in the image, just trying to even out the white on her skin, smooth a couple lines and turn her eyes red and viola my image was complete and just how I pictured it! Which is one of the most rewarding aspects of the creative process.

Thanks again to Jessica Mumm for being my subject in the photo and Cassie G. for hair and makeup!  

Inner Demons

Inner Demons

by Richelle Swinkels

“The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our soul” - Edgar Allen Poe. Why is it we can watch a movie with monsters and violence and just sit thru it, but when those monsters and violence is in our own head we get scared? Because it’s within us. Knowing what is in your head can cause the worst kind of fear. The hardest battles and scariest monsters are the ones within us. These inner demons control us, beat us down and leave the deepest scars. 

In my past I let this presence inside of me beat me down and control me. This inner demon beat me into depression, suicidal feelings, anxiety and eventually an addiction in attempt to calm down these inner demons. Over time and battle after battle I realized if I never fight back I’ll be stuck in this dark place for ever. Even if you are loosing, it’s important to stand up to your inner demons so you can eventually gain the strength to beat them.

Ironically in class today we had a guest speaker, discussing fear. Many people’s greatest is themselves, their own mind. He said, “You can run but the beast will get you, or you can stay and the beast will eat you…. but if you stay you might make friends with your beast.” We all have fears, whether it’s your own mind, being alone, change, etc. If we run from these fears they will stay there. The only way stand a chance to get rid of these fears is to stand up to them. The only way not to lose the battle to your inner demons is to fight them.  

I find myself often times being beat up by that inner voice, that inner demon tells me I can't handle things and I should revert back to the old me. Back to the mistakes and the past that I fought so hard to get away from. This image to me was important to make because in my opinion there is no battle like the one with ourselves. 

Masks by Richelle Swinkels

Masks

by Richelle Swinkels

“We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.” 

     Growing up I always struggled with my identity, who I was on the inside and who I'd allow others to see. As I grew up I began to get better and better at wearing masks and hiding who I truly was. I hid depression and a growing drug addiction. I let very few people see the real me and know who I really was. However, eventually the addiction grew and grew and years later spiraled out of control and was too big for my mask to cover any longer. The mental issues I struggled with mixed with a drug addiction landed me in prison. While I was incarcerated and sober I took classes and in one we learned about Duality, and I dwelled on this concept ever since then. Having two mind frames, two personalities and wearing different masks. The prison even did an entire play on this concept of wearing masks. Seeing that photography was always therapeutic for me I've done a few shoots that have to deal with this. One being my mirror shoot, where the person looking into the mirror is what the world sees and the reflection is what the subject is feeling. I wanted to bring a different spin to the same idea and show this idea in the form of masks. While doing research for my mock portfolio I saw imagery of masks in different ways and tried to come up with my own. And thus it was born. 

Duality by Richelle Swinkels

Duality 

Duality, to have two parts. Some consider duality good and evil, others consider it as the opposite of rea
“I push my fingers into my eyes… 
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache…
But it’s made of all the things I have to take…
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way inside…
If the pain goes on..”

lity, living within a nightmare. Slipknot wrote a song called “Duality” discussing the pain of life, how you hurt yourself trying to stop the pain and it just gets worse.

But to me, it’s just multiple sides of me. The side of me that I show the world and the side of me that I hide within.

Photography is my therapy, sometimes it’s the only way I can truly express myself. Granted at times it’s a customer or school situation where I’m doing what I’m asked, but other times I’m getting out how I feel and creating an art that is who I am. That is exposing that dual side that I can’t show any other way. I’m currently wanting to work on pieces that showcase duality, and the multiple sides of me. It helps me deal and cope with things I feel and experience as well as becomes an interesting photograph. Here’s two so far.